Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
