Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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