Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
