haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
