that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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