I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
