i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
