i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
