They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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