is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
