she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
