Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
