I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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