Will you blow on my dice?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
