I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
