i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
