forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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