Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
