Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sober January is a disaster.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The ass gains better be worth it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
