As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
