A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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