I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
