I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
