I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
