i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
