dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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