Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
