Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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