I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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