i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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