im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
