Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
