in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
