i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
