Do you still have your period?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
