There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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