i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
