Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
