If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
