Kareoke will never be a sober sport
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
