He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
