Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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