he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
