I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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