Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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