Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
