I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
