shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
