..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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