Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
