dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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