Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Randomize
