she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
