I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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