took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
