and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
