Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
