It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
