I'm going to jail i love you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you never un-have a 4some
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
