So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
