smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
