your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
